"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads of frost-work, but the solidest things we know." R.W. Emerson
This is the most significant part of his essay to me, and I believe it because it's true in my life. Not everyone has the comfort of declaring that they have a best friend. I am not one of those people. While reading through this essay, which I essentially admired, I felt a bit of relief knowing that at least with one person I can fulfill Emerson's expectations of me. Now the challenge was to relate it to more people, expand my horizons if I may. I knew this would be no easy task.
Things change in high school, and people do too. I never used to really believe that people change-- but they do. And usually it's not for the better. That's something you have to deal with graciously because otherwise it's a complete earthquake. Recently, I've learned that when people change, you don't have the right to assume or hypothesize about why. If you care enough, you ask. If you don't, move on. Dwelling never led to any good so why is it so ubiquitous? People are afraid to say what they feel or what they believe for the sake of hurting other peoples feelings. Emerson would laugh at these insecurities. If you can't express what you want around the people you call your friends without judgment being passed, it's not a real friendship. Emerson's whole point is "A friend is with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud." If you inhibit yourself because the "friend" you're talking to will be upset or not understand, then that relationship is more characteristic of frost-work or glass threads. Ideal
Emersonion friendships don't break easily. And when they do, they are almost impossible to mend. One thing I've learned about myself through this reflection is that I will always state my opinion, say how I feel, and let others know what's going on because I just don't believe in the whole telepathy $#!+ that people seem to swear by. How is your friend supposed to know how you're feeling if you don't hint? Rather, if you don't even try to say it? Some things are hard to say, and friends are just supposed to know these things? Honestly, you're not a bad friend if your friend's dog died and she didn't tell you and you just didn't happen to guess that's what had happened. Friends talk to each other! They tell each other things! I'm not saying that if your friend is legitimately sad and you don't notice that's excusable, I'm just saying that if someone doesn't pin-point the issue and you never vocalized it... Blame yourself. I've learned this the hard way and I don't make that mistake any more. You should not be opinionated to the point of unreasoning with, however if you're a pushover who succumbs to what others say; you're not being true to yourself. This brings me into his paradox of friendship which I find alarmingly accurate. "We must be our own before we can be
another's" Emerson said.. By that he means you have to be so self-assured and content with who you are to benefit from being in a friendship with another person who too needs to be self-contented. I love this next
sentence... "Let it be an alliance of two formidable natures, mutually beheld, mutually feared, before yet they recognize the deep identity which, beneath these disparities, unites them." (210)
Another point Emerson would agree with that I've come to understand is that a friend to everyone is a friend to no one. Aristotle said this, in other words, and once I read that I completely agreed. You can't be
every one's best friend. You can be friendly and nice and caring and compassionate and everything else under the sun, but you cannot be that "solid" friend to every person you express the aforementioned emotions to. It's not possible. And it shouldn't be. You should have your tight group of best friends and I realized who mine are through this experience. I let them know I was grateful for them and I told them that Emerson helped me realize who they were (
haha). You can't spread yourself too thin.. your good traits need to accumulate in front of a few special selected friends who appreciate and cherish you while also returning these
characteristics back unto you. One way friendships are doomed.
Next, Emerson stresses the importance of picking your friends wisely, and nurturing them to grow. Friendships don't form overnight, and rushing this consecrated process will surely result in disappointment and inadequacy. If you are so INTO a new friendship that you do everything you possibly can to make it work, even sacrificing parts of yourself, the friendship will be over faster than you can say "Emerson". You cannot expect instant gratification. I've made this mistake, and throughout the day I
realized that the most important friendships to me are the ones that I've let time kind of interfere with and help mold. Friendships that you will remember for the rest of your life do not actualize over night. They take time, and time is essential because in that time you revisit this paradoxical nature of friendship and you realize yourself. One you know yourself and love yourself, you can give yourself to others getting the same kind of attention and love back. After Emerson makes this point to not rush, he includes the concept of lessening yourself to be
some one's friend. He acknowledges that "all people descent to meet" on page 205 but he warns that compromising yourself instead of just a simple opinion can be devastating to your identity. In a recent situation, I had to deal with the notion that my opinions on a lot of things were not welcomed by people I considered friends. In this instance, it was too much for me to
compromise of myself to apologize for and make excuses for. People are who they are, and I am who I need to be to make myself happy. That realization cost me
a lot but it was a decision I am proud of myself for making and for following through because if there is anything you can learn from failed friendships, it's that you gain deeper insight into who you are and who you want to be. I want to be the friend Emerson describes, who doesn't compromise their virtue.
My last point was that this day taught me
a lot about the partnership that is a friendship. Two people are in it together, for better or for worse.. Like a
marriage but seemingly more infinite. Emerson comforts us by saying "The great will see that true love cannot be unrequited." (214) I love this quote because it tells you that if you find something that is so pure and so real, where truth and tenderness both exist and two people are complete identities merged into one relationship, the love goes both ways and it always will. (Below: Hoops and
Yoyo are best friends.. and it's an inside joke w/my best friend but how cute are they?)
are noisy and sometimes complete quiet just cannot be found. In Telly, quiet is the norm and it's absolutely breathtaking. To just stand on top of a ski mountain and hear NOTHING is an amazing thing that people would definitely underestimate unless they've experienced it themselves. To the right you can kind of imagine how vast this really is. As I sit here writing this, I'm thinking about the way it smells there (like fresh pine trees), the way the air feels (thin and dry), and the way it sounds there (like nothing). The quiet is beautiful really, because it gives me a chance to completely appreciate one of mother nature's most indescribable treasures; mountains. In a mountainous forest essentially, you can feel so small. That feeling, and the lands vastness comforts me in a strange way. I feel almost part of something that is so immense and divine it's hard to describe. There is no better excitement for me than descending down the mountain on my trust
y k2 skis. It's quiet and I'm truly LOVING nature. Another thing I just love about Telluride in general is how small and comfortable it is. Our house is up on the Village but a 15 minute Gondola ride down into the actual town is astonishing as well. To the left you can see a picture I took of the view coming down from the Gondola. The town is so colorful and full of life, it's amazing. Small yet safe Telluride welcomes anyone and everyone. It's located in a sort of valley in between a circular wall of mountains. Just imagine that for a second, because it's honestly amazing. If you're standing in town and you look 360 degrees around you, you'll see mountains everywhere. There is a waterfall to the far right of this picture that you can't see because it got cut off, but it's just another addition to this place that makes it all the more beautiful. (Speaking of waterfalls.. I cannot exclude a reference to Iguazu in Argentina...) So anywho, at the end of the day, this place speaks to me and makes me more in touch with nature than I ever thought I could be.
